Confession

I have a confession to make. I haven’t posted about my 60 day challenge because I’m failing at it miserably. I haven’t met my food related goals for one solid day yet.

I feel like I’m in a never ending cycle: I make a plan, I start the plan (or don’t even get that far in this case), I do the workouts (I’m still going strong with those), and then I fall of the wagon because of one meal or one day or whatever.

The real confession is that I have no willpower when it comes to food. Many people have really valid reasons for their struggles with food (e.g., abusive relationships, bad childhoods, etc.), but I don’t have a good excuse for this. I’ve lived a good life filled with love and think I eat because I can and I enjoy it. Those are not very good reasons, but they are the reasons that I’m overweight.

I don’t want you to throw me a pity party. Besides these lingering 20-30 pounds, I’m healthy. In fact, with the 20-30 pounds, I’m really healthy. I have a great blood pressure, good cholesterol levels, amazing cardiovascular fitness, and some sweet muscles. So really these lingering 20-30 pounds are more about vanity.

I want to look as good as I feel inside because truthfully when I bust out 10 miles on the treadmill before noon on a Saturday I realize how awesome my body is. And when I lift 4,000 pounds in one work out (check out dailyburn.com which tracks the number of pounds you lift when you put in your exercises each workout). I’m strong. I’m fit. But I don’t see that in the mirror when I look after a great workout. Instead I see an overweight girl begging to burst out of this overweight suit I’m wearing.

The problem for me is my inability to tell myself no (which is something with which I struggle on more than the food front, particularly with money).  I’ve never had to tell myself no because I have lived the good life. In the past, if I wanted something I figured out a way to get it (this is also why I’m in debt up to my ears). This isn’t always a bad character trait – I’m pretty sure it’s benefited me in the educational and work spheres- but it’s definitely a trait that has it’s consequences and needs to be reigned in.

I guess what I’m saying is that my “60 day challenge” is starting tomorrow. It will probably end prematurely (at the end of day 56 when I go to CALI!) but I will do this. I will teach myself to say no. And more importantly, on day 61, I’ll be able to look at a Reese’s Cup in the secretary’s dish outside my office and I’ll be able to say no.